I am exhausted, bored, angry, unproductive, unmotivated and probably not very healthy either mentally or physically at the moment. I was offered my dream job last week after doing a very fast turn-around on an application and interview for the role in which I was already contracting. I funnelled all of my energy into going through that process over a week or two, causing the good habits I’d developed to fall by the wayside. I’ve accepted the job but I feel drained. The main thing, however, is dealing with the wider context of this government’s mishandling of the pandemic. I feel more trapped in my flat than ever before, as now I can’t trust that people will be properly social-distancing when I walk out of the door. For at least three weeks Jack and I have noticed the streets have been packed when we’ve gone for our dose of daily exercise. I am constantly ducking away or around people who walk straight at me and would brush right past if I didn’t dart behind Jack and walk single file. I think both of us have instinctively avoided the stress of dealing with crowds and now it seems such a simple joy as going for a walk has been sullied.
My resilience to things going wrong in the flat hasn’t been high. For instance, I overwatered my cucumber plant and the stem broke. I felt so down I crawled into bed for about half an hour and even though it would take about 5 minutes to start germinating some more, it just seems like a bothersome and possibly pointless task. I’ve been particularly snappy on some days, which hasn’t been fair on Jack or my colleagues. There’s a constant guilt of not feeling productive enough whilst working from home. I’m sick of doing dishes. I don’t want to mop the floor because to mop the floor I’d have to vacuum first and it’s noisy and hurts my back and arrgghhh.
I’m disillusioned with the government. No…I’m “redisillusioned” with the government. I had no illusions about how heartless the Tories are; then became briefly and desperately illusioned when they announced a lockdown, gave the NHS a proverbial handjob and decided to financially support people. Now, I’ve had those illusions slip away again…like warily accepting a school bully’s public peace offering, only to realise later in the day that they used the opportunity to stick a sign to your back saying I’M A TWAT.
I guess I’m feeling a bit hopeless. It’s an extremely #firstworldproblem, but we’re meant to be going on a 4 week once-in-a-lifetime holiday to Malaysia and Japan at the end of Sep/start of Oct. I feel like we’re all just going to mess this up so badly that it’s going to drag this out for months…and instead of sitting in a cliffside onsen looking out over an active volcano in October, I’ll be rocking back and forth and crying on the floor of my shower, looking out over Jack on the toilet.
Anyway, I was so furious today (in between lengthy spells of ennui) that I wrote a sweary and probably ill-advised post on social media that sums up the not-so-selfish reasons I feel so shit. Enjoy!
“Hello it’s me again with another angry political post. I think it’s 100% justified.
I am just so sickened that this is what it’s come to…thousands of new cases a day, the daily death toll still in the hundreds. We’ve had the highest death toll in Europe. They only began including the deaths in the community/care homes two weeks ago, and real figures are estimated to be around 45,000. And our Government, rather than feeling a healthy amount of shame at their previous approach to the working class and frontline staff, has now sentenced thousands more to their deaths.
It is a class issue. The middle class are far more likely to be able to work from home, use their cars and avoid public transport. The fact that people have been told they can have their cleaners and nannies come over?! But not their parents….? What the actual hell.
It’s also a race issue. We know that people with BAME identities are FAR more likely to die from Covid19 than white people. Let’s face it, these “letterbox” ladies and “piccaninnies with watermelon smiles” are seen by Johnson as totally expendable.
They’ve weighed it up, and keeping capitalism churning is more important than a few (!) disposable people’s lives. They’ve allowed employers to put pressure on people to return to work even if it puts them at direct risk. They’ve put the responsibility on the INDIVIDUAL rather than the Government. That way they can blame people’s “non-compliance” and “lack of common sense” rather than their own systemic, ideologically-driven failure to protect us. You elect them to protect us and to serve us. The only interests they are serving are their own off-shore accounts, hedge funds, kick-backs and nepotistic back-slaps.
The NHS have held the line, at a massive cost to themselves, so as long as there’ll be enough beds in ICU for everyone we’ll tick that off as a job well done and keep THROWING PEOPLE WHO CAN’T BREATHE AT THEM.
This is truly evil, no matter how you look at it and who you usually vote for. Surely you must see. ONE person allowing this kind of miscommunication/screw up in terms of a catchy slogan….maybe. An ENTIRE team of top-level Government strategists accidentally letting through this level of mass misinformation? Absolute bullshit.
Stay ALERT? Really? They release a slogan that means absolutely nothing, then a massive document to explain what it means. If you have to do that with your slogan, it doesn’t work.
I know a teacher who will have to return to school soon and put themselves at risk of exposure…but hasn’t been able to give their parent a normal funeral or hug their remaining, grieving parent in their home. We’ve all done our best and stuck to the rules…and for what. I’m furious and you should be too.
Speaking of schools, it’s increasingly common knowledge that more and more children are being admitted to ICU with a mysterious global inflammatory condition – similar to Kawasaki disease and clinically overlapping with Covid presentations in adults. WE ARE NOT IN THE CLEAR YOU CONGA LINE C#NTS
Instead of clapping this Thursday, which now seems like a cruel and empty parody, I’m going to yell SCREW THE TORIES out my window (because there are kids around).
To quote Idles: “The best way to scare a Tory is to read and get rich”
Well I can read motherfuckers, and I’m more committed than ever before to using my privilege to FUCK. YOU. UP.”
Figs Ahoy 